There’s only one thing worse than an over-zealous council official – and that’s an over-zealous council official wearing a uniform.
Thank God, I hear you say, that we don’t have creatures like that in this part of the world. Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you – they’re on the way!
Uniformed officers employed by local councils will be patrolling the streets of Cornwall from May next year handing out tickets to anyone parked illegally.
Some of you might say it’s about time something was done to clamp down on idiot drivers who cause traffic chaos, and to an extent I would agree.
But what worries me is this: Cornwall county council says that there will be a “major difference” between the new “civil enforcement officers” and the now obsolete traffic wardens who were employed by Devon and Cornwall Police.
The traffic wardens, says the council, were allowed a certain amount of discretion when deciding to carry out enforcement whereas the new “civil enforcement officers” will be working within a set of stringent guidelines.
In other words, the council will be employing a bunch of “jobsworths” who will become hated by the public at large for not being able to exercise a little common sense when deciding whether or not to “nick” somebody.
Traffic wardens have never been the most popular bunch of people but, on the whole, I have always found them courteous and reasonable.
If they caught you as you jumped back in your car after stopping on the yellow lines for 30 seconds to post a letter, they would normally just give you a slap on the wrist rather than a £60 fine.
Just imagine how intolerable life will be if the new council robots catch you! “You’re nicked,” says the little man with the short moustache beneath his nose, and his black hair trailing over one side of his forehead. “But officer, I only stopped for 30 seconds to drop off my 89-year-old mother outside the doctor’s surgery, because she can’t manage the walk from the car park.”
Robot: “I don’t care about your pathetic excuses. I don’t have any discretion in these matters. I’m only obeying orders. You’re nicked.”
The council says that anyone who disputes a parking ticket can make representations to processing staff “who will take into account the evidence provided by the motorist as well as the guidance provided.”
But why make life so complicated? Why not just put a little more trust in the people who issue the tickets in the first place and avoid creating a layer of bureaucracy in the background?
The council denies that parking tickets will be used as a way of making money. “A small surplus may be made in the first year,” says senior councillor Matt McTaggart, “but in subsequent years a loss is made as costs increase...”
But why plan to make a loss? I can’t see anyone objecting to our council tax being subsidised out of the fines paid by inconsiderate drivers who flagrantly break the law, so long as reasonable, fair and sensible people are employed to issue the tickets.
Instead, the council is creating a Traffic Taliban, which I suspect we will have to pay for out of ever more extortionate local tax increases. Why am I so surprised?