In what is thepacket.co.uk's favourite maybe true story of the week, the comedian Al Murray, better known as The Pub Landlord, intends to stand in the general election against Nigel Farage as part of the Free United Kingdom Party, (FUKP).

His message to the UK is that while other parties offer the moon on a stick, he can one better 'a British moon on a British stick'

His common sense action plan to save this country includes:

• The pound will be revalued at one pound 10p, so it will now be worth 10p more. Common sense.

• If you come to A&E and it’s neither an accident nor an emergency then you will be sent to a random hospital department to be practised on. Common sense.

• Foreign Policy. Germany has been too quiet for too long. Just saying.

• Immigration. Of course the reason they are coming here is because this is the greatest country in the world. The only way to stop them is for a government to change that and make things a whole lot worse. Look no further. However, in the meantime, we brick up the Channel Tunnel. With British bricks. Probably have to get some Poles in to do it. Common sense.

• Education. I believe the children are the future and there’s no way you'll get me knocking teachers. Teachers are on the front line, coalface. Doing their bit to create a level playing field for our kids, although I'm not sure they're going about it the right way by making sure none of the kids can read and write. So instead of a postcode lottery a new improved Street Raffle will determine which schools your kids get in to. Common sense.

• Scotland. Alex Salmond to be made First Minister for Norwich, so he can get to understand what being ignored by the rest of the country is really like. Common sense.

• Europe. I pledge that the UK will leave Europe by 2025 and the edge of the Solar System by 2050. Common market sense. In the meantime Greece to be bought and operated by Kent County Council. Couldn’t be worse. Someone to do the bins at least.

• The environment. Boris Johnson to be put on an island. He keeps saying that’s what he wants.

• Corporations and Globalisation Blah blah blah blah blah paradigm blah blah blah, blah blah dialectic blah blah blah blah blah blah game-changer.

• Homes for hard working families. Build some houses but without bringing down house prices. How hard can it be?

• Defence. National Service, but only for people who don’t want to do it.

• Law and Order. Unemployment causes crime: I propose to lock up the unemployed. Common sense.