Over the past few years, every time I've woken up to news reports of an earthquake, I've never felt a thing. Why do all these earthquakes seem to happen in the dead of night? What exactly are they hiding?

I'm starting to wonder whether my wife is secretly anesthetising me after I nod off. Maybe she's in on it, too?

Why don't these so-called 'earthquakes' ever happen during the day so the rest of can experience them? Why is it always during the early hours of the morning and the only people who claim to have felt it are Bob and Susan a few doors down. 

I'm starting to think something hugger-mugger is afoot. I don't trust earthquakes and I don't trust the people that say they felt them. 

Yours suspiciously,

A concerned Cornishman